In a state of self-doubt and fear

Manhattan, New York

Photo taken at: Manhattan, New York

I was going to give up on today and just do nothing. You know, we all can have bad Mondays too, even those of us who are traveling and seem to be living the life.

An old friend of mine just sent me this message “Go be the Snow White everyone believes in.” We barely talk; I just sent her a message saying hello.

Now I am all emotional. I wonder if I’m taking this practice of “feeling all your feelings” to the extreme. But then again, I guess that could mean that I’m just really good at it.

Maintaining consistent and relentless belief in a dream is hard. This morning I thought about getting a 9-5, which would inevitably and likely make this pursuit even harder. But I would have stability again in the form of a home and income.

I need to get back to being present.

It’s been a long, tough road for me to get to where I am today. On the majority of days, this has been the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve never felt so damn alive before. Every now and then though, I get days where I’m concerned about my future. I question the kind of value I’m able to bring to society. I fear of being just someone who’s all hype and miscalculated potential. When I get in that state, all I want to do is be Snow, not Snow White.

If you know me well enough, Snow and Snow White are two different people.

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